Ah dating. Such a hoot isn’t it? No, I don’t think so either.
Unless you’ve found yourself in a relationship for the past 5 or so years you may be acutely aware that the dating landscape has seen major changes since advancements have been made in technology and the introduction of dating apps. Normally when you would use the term ‘advancement’, you would think improvements, enhancements, but I beg to differ. Modern dating has made us, and there’s no other way of saying this, dicks. That’s right, dicks.
Ghosting is a term many may be familiar with but if you’re not, let me break it down for you. Ever been on a fantastic date with someone only for them to never reply to your text? You’ve been ghosted. Even worse, ever been dating someone, whether it been weeks, months (hopefully not years) and then POOF! they disappear from the face of the earth altogether? You, my friend have been the victim of ghosting. Not nice, is it?
Now before I go any further and try to sound like I’m on a dating high horse, I’m going to be the first to admit that not only have I been the victim of ghosting but I have also been the perpetrator. Admittedly, I would never ghost someone if I had been on more than one date with them (unless it took me multiple dates to realise that they’re a total toss pot) but I have been in situations where I’ve gone on a date, not really been into them and instead of responding to their messages I’ve either ghosted them completely or, equally as cowardly, do what I like to call a ‘slow fade’ whereby instead of disappearing all at once, I start replying less frequently until I back off into the distance and past the point of no return.
It’s truly as bad as it sounds and I’m here to say, my friends, that I’m definitely not proud of it.
Equally, I’ve also been ghosted myself and let me tell you something for nothing: it’s not nice. I’ve been on dates that I thought were great, heck, one guy who I went on a few dates with even went as far to say he ‘really liked me’ only to ghost me days later. Being ghosted like this made me realise one thing: it fucking sucks, it hurts and it needs to stop. Yes, it may be an easy cop out and we may never think about that person on the other side of our phones again but guess what? Ghosting is not only immature, it’s also the cowards way out and makes us look like total assholes without a backbone.
When did it become the norm to blatantly ignore someone and completely disregard their feelings? Why is it socially acceptable after receiving an ‘I had a great time tonight’ message to leave it on ‘read’ and never reply? In this day and age communication has never been easier and we’ve never been more accessible but instead of us becoming better communicators, we’ve become far, far worse. Instead of having a slightly uncomfortable conversation and admit that we’re not feeling it we would rather run away and pretend that person doesn’t exist. But here’s the thing: they do, and believe it or not, this may not be the first time something like this has happened to them and after a few too many times of being ghosted, it can seriously knock a person’s confidence.
It’s no wonder why we find ourselves so burnt out from the dating game and disenchanted with the concept of love and meaningful, lasting connections; sure, not everyone’s going to like us and that’s totally ok, what’s not ok is rudeness, flakiness and unkindness.
I’m sure some people are reading this and couldn’t give a hoot about the people they’ve ghosted and that’s their prerogative (thanks for reading though, plz subscribe) but I sincerely hope that I never get to the point in life where I have no regard for someone’s feelings, no matter the length of time I’ve known them. Not everyone can shake rejection off so easily and we need to remember that behind every text and every screen, that there is a living, breathing, human being.
So what could we do instead of ghosting you may ask? Well as it turns out, the answer’s actually pretty simple. We can give that person 30 seconds of our time to explain that we’re no longer interested. BE HONEST. Give that person the decency of simply saying something like, ‘hey, I thought you were great and I had a lovely time, but unfortunately I didn’t feel a spark. I wish you all the best.’ How hard was that?
Yes, dating is hard but we’re only adding to the ugliness of the landscape by treating people like they don’t matter. Be the bigger person. Remember, Karma sees it all.